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π»
to the sun of my life & dragon to my moon,
It will forever confound me how you could confess to an aromatic alien like myself β to love me so purely and unconditionally even when you knew that I could never return your love. But I had also always wondered, living as an outsider looking in, what it would feel like to experience romance β this feeling so innate to the human experience that it propagated all forms of media.
I could love, of course, but only platonically (even if quite fiercely so). Occasionally, I felt like I could almost understand (from what little I could understand, anyways) romantic love. I guessed it felt akin to how I experienced existential euphorias:
π resting beside a body of water on a balmy morning, basking in sunlight, starstruck and almost blinded by the glittering sparkles off the surface of creamy dreamy baby blue
π walking at sunset, drenched in golden hour at midsummer, counting the celestial bodies as they seep into view by the dying daylight, smiling at fireflies dancing in the darkness
β¨ delighting at the surprise of stumbling across something very unexpected in the mundane and everyday commonplace, a scene you have certainly experienced a thousand times over but today, of all days, you experience it a little bit differently
Just simple moments in time that remind me of what it means to be alive, truly present, and so deeply in love with my own existence that I could not dare to dream of any other reality than the one right before my eyes.
So as much as I rolled my eyes at romance-injected storylines in movies and novels, I also honestly felt a little jealous. I am an artist after all, and I have observed the way love inspired masterpieces.
What masterpieces would I create?
Donβt get me wrong, I enjoyed living in blissful aromanticism. Iβve watched the emotional destruction that could fallout from experimenting with your feelings.
So better to be safe than sorry.
Better to not feel anything at all.
π
Yet, despite all odds, you love me anyways β exactly as I was, just as I am, and wholesomely as I will become.
So, of course, I fell for you in return.
Maybe not in the same way one normally does, but I love you all the same. And some parts of this love has been tragic and painful, but I was aware that Iβd be opening myself up to sorrow if I wanted to experience true intimacy. Everything worth it in life has never been, and never will be, easy.
And in so many ways, I feel like perhaps this love is more real. I know with absolute certainty that it will always be you. Regardless of where we are, who we become, and all the lives weβll live, if I can know you again, I will undoubtedly fall for you in every single lifeline.
Because you make me fall in love with life,
and you make me fall in love with myself.
xx besos,
your alien chica & phoenix to your stars
Incoming⦠letter number 2 of Love Letters from a Creative Chimera: a newsletter & microblog capturing things, people, and ideas that have made me fall absolutely in love with life over and over again. My name is XinYi and this podcast is where I read my letters for those who prefer to consume their content through audio rather than reading off a screen.
This particular letter is near and dear to my heart because itβs the first time Iβve publicly announced that Iβm aromatic. To make things even more confusing, itβs a love letter about my romantic relationship with my husband, whom I address. Have I piqued your interest? If soβ¦ here we go!
For context, I wrote that for our 1 year anniversary. Itβs been a huge relief to reveal this about myself publicly because of the overwhelming amount of love and support Iβve received from my friends. I think generally speaking, it feels so rare to find examples of aromantic characters in media that it seems like we donβt exist at all.
In my opinion, a really good fictional work that explores the ideas of alternative forms of genuine love is the bookΒ The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Without giving away any spoilers, Iβll just say that the cast depicted forms of love that evenΒ IΒ could understand. This is a big deal because prior to meeting my husband, most forms of affection in the romantic spectrum actually made me physically gag ( side note: this is a completely personal account and I donβt want to make a generalization about otherβs people experience of aromanticism). If youβve read this book or are considering reading it, have thoughts you want to discuss, feel free to message meΒ @creative.chimeraΒ on instagram or comment on the original letter onΒ creativechimera.substack.com!
Or visit my website @Β https://desktop.creative-chimera.com
Write back soon! Bye!
This was like a warm blanket and a hot cup of tea on a rainy day π₯Ί I could feel the emotions engraved in the words and I wish I can experience this level of comfort with another person someday π